I ate 3 slice of pizza, 4 garlic bread, 2 roasted chicken, and a chicken wing all in one lunch. imagine how this unknown melancholic thing turned me into a beast. I eat anything, I've never ever been so greedy.

I've never ever had a best friend, I don't know why it matters right now. shitty stupid thing.

I had all these friend, close friend. but imagine how hard it is to have the same understanding with someone else and make them you... best friend. lets say the bff that won't leave you for any reason, the one who won't leave you because he/she want to be popular. the one who... who... who accept you for who you are.

I don't know why this is so damn important. why then? huh?

my life has been so wonderful. it's not a big deal. I'm alive with or without bff.

some famous people out there said there's no bff. there's no best friend forever. there's no that kind of thing. the only thing that does exists is: the people who understand you.

so, lemme ask something...

can I find someone who understand me perfectly? even when I'm sobbing and weeping and crying and screaming till dawn... well except my sister of course.

lets say I don't deserve any best friend... but can I please have someone who can stay beside me and listen to me all the time without any slight feeling of disturbed?

ah God, can I find one real friend who is not so selfish?

p.s. bukannya saya meragukan semua teman saya sekarang. kalian baik, sangat baik. tapi oke ini hanya masalah saya yang sedang sinting. ya mungkin itu masalahanya. katakanlah begitu.

ya intinya, saya sedang merasa... jauh, sangat jauh dari kalian. sangat jauh dari peradaban. sangat sangat jauh.

ini bukan masalah besar. oke. saya harus meyakinkan diri saya sendiri soal ini.

"ini bukan masalah besar, dan saya harus berhenti menangis"

"bukan masalah besar, harus berhenti menangis"

"masalah besar, menangislah"

saya butuh seseorang untuk mengatakan monolog yang ketiga. saya mungkin tidak akan menjawab, tapi terimakasih karena mengizinkan saya menangis.

oke. saya harus menolong diri sendiri sekarang.